So awkward Dx

We used to talk every day, all day. We were best online friends forever. She was there for me, I was there for her. That was a month ago. Now? She's come back and I know I should be happy but I'm not. I just feel awkward and we used to be so loose and joking around each other. No tenseness or awkwardness at all. 

Now my awkwardness is like breaking the meter Dx 

It's like bell is a complete different person. The same, but not at the same time. She's different. She's changed. Moved on. I hate the idea of it but I guess I've moved on too.. I didn't hold back for her. Maybe the friendship wasn't meant to be idk. I'm confused, mad, and disappointed at the same time. All at once. What do I do? I can't ignore her. But I can't tell her how I feel about it all. I feel like there's no 'connection anymore between us. If that doesn't sound dumb at all.. :/

Sorry for the rant. On another subject I can't describe how much I hate my life. Im struggling with feelings for someone. Don't ask, DON'T comfort me. Everything is complicated. A loved one was ripped away. Thanks God. My life is just shit. I can't fix it. Damn, I have no control. Maybe God has a plan for me but get to the ducking good part already so I can quit suffering. 

UGHH. I HATE YOU LIFE.